Lucifer

Lucifer is a figure from Christianity, most well known from the book Paradise Lost. He is a fallen angel who tried to defy God's wrath, and was cast out of Heaven.

Lucifer is very important to me. I've always been a huge sceptic, but have a longing to explore religion and spirituality. Having my own relationship with a fictional figure that I know is fictional is a healthy way for me to explore my own spirituality without feeling guilt or pressure to conform to rules or change my lifestyle. It's especially helpful that Lucifer is often considered to be the same entity as Satan, and most Satanic groups preach that theistic religions are often misguided and caused by a lack of education. Hearing that rhetoric during my formative years, despite sometimes bordering on using religious criticism as an excuse for a god complex or xenophobia, has helped me a lot with my religious psychosis.

Lucifer is also important to me in another way. I lost a close family member in my childhood, who I had always known as being a 'bad person'. It's hard to grieve a bad person, because you feel as though you shouldn't feel bad for them. But they're still family, and you find yourself wondering if 'badness' means anything, or if some people just have less control over what their mind suggests they do. I'm aware that the dismissal of guilt is a dangerous path of thinking to go down, which is why I stop my thinking at Lucifer. Lucifer is known as a villain; an evil creature against God. Most people hate Lucifer. But I like him, and that's okay. My family member impacted a lot of people's lives in a negative way. I love him. And that's okay. My love does not take away from other's pain. I do not excuse their actions. I do not excuse what people accuse Lucifer of. Lucifer simply reminds me of that person, and helps me pretend that they were just struggling really badly and meant to do no harm. Perhaps it is not the healthiest way to cope, but it is how I do it.